Copyright Trolls: Righthaven Wrong

Copyright Troll (4/23/96 - Tom Boyd - Troll Haven)

UPDATE

WC’s readers will recall that, as a service to readers, WC provided a Field Guide to Trolls some weeks ago. In that discussion, WC noted that the most infamous Copyright Troll, something called Righthaven, LLC, had recently been kneecapped by an annoyed federal district court judge.

A different federal district court judge recently went further, and has issued an order to show cause why Righthaven, and its lawyers, shouldn’t be held in contempt for failing to disclose a revenue sharing agreement with Stephens Media. If you have a financial stake in a lawsuit, you are required to be a party to the lawsuit. This is first year law school stuff.

Props to Nevada U.S District Judge Roger Hunt for calling this troll out. If he makes an example of Righthaven, the law will have gone a long ways towards stopping this kind of abuse of intellectual property law. A business model built on blackmail should be squashed.

Dealing with Gray, Rainy Days

Literature is a great comfort to WC on gray, wet summer days. While it may nearly be the solstice, the present climate is indistinguishable from, say, September. A good book, or at least a good author, can help. And if you are in a snarky mood, there’s no one more suitable than Ambrose Bierce.

Ambrose Bierce

Bitter Bierce was a poet, novelist, essayist and satirist, who lived 1842-1913. In fact, no one knows exactly when he died; his disappeared in northern Mexico, possibly at the hands of Pancho Villa.

He’s best known today for The Devil’s Dictionary, but his Collected Works amount to twelve large volumes. His style of writing was very distinct and, in our present decadent era, his writing is so spare and elegant as to embarrass any thinking aspirants to writing.

For example, he had a long struggle to get his Dictionary published under the name he wanted. His publisher insisted on “The Cynic’s Word Book.” Bierce won, by pointing out that there were already dozens of “Cynic” titles, while the Devil had very few. Bierce said, “Most of these books were merely stupid, though some of them added the distinction of silliness. Among them, they brought the word ‘cynic’ into disfavor so deep that any book bearing it was discredited in advance of publication.”

And that’s part of the Bierce style, casting an insult in the form of a compliment: “the added distinction of silliness.”

So, with Bierce’s definition of “Adage” in mind (“Boned wisdom for weak teeth.”) and “Aphorism” (“Predigested wisdom.”), WC will offer some of his personal favorites. Diligent readers can find their own; the official edition of the Dictionary is on-line, although the typos are pretty bad.

WC was initially drawn to Bierce’s law-related definitions:

APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

PRECEDENT, n. In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. As there are precedents for everything, he has only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate those in the line of his desire.

Bierce’s religion-related definitions are equally cutting:

CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method to better his temporal ones.

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

HEAVEN, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

INFIDEL, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.

SABBATH, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Bierce saved his best, spleen, though, for politics:

CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.

And a few penultimate observations:

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

And a final, perfect definition for this post:

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author’s enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient.

A rainy summer day is the better for Bierce…