Where Captain Zero Gets his Ideas: A Mystery Solved

It’s fair to say WC has been a harsh critic of Captain Zero’s willingness to give oil companies a few billion tax bucks. WC has wondered aloud where the Captain got the idea. WC has speculated that Captain Zero may be confused and thinks he is still working for the oil industry. The whole “Please, Master, if I work harder may I have some more gruel” thing never passed the Red Face Test.

But here’s a lead: The Mitt has the same plan.

It’s true. As Daniel J. Weiss and Seth Hanlon show in their article on The Mitt’s tax plan, BP, Chevron, ConocoPhillips, ExxonMobil, and Royal Dutch Shell – Big Oil – would keep special tax breaks worth $2.4 billion each year. And by cutting the corporate tax rates, the Romney plan could lower the companies’ annual tax bill by as much as $2.3 billion, based on an analysis of the companies’ reported tax expenses for 2011.

Now most folks would think that companies who had a combined $137 billion -– that’s Billion with a “B” – in profit last year didn’t need a tax break. But The Mitt’s claim is that without those tax breaks, Big Oil won’t be able to create jobs. Sound familiar?

In fact, between 2006 and 2010, Big Oil axed a reported 17,500 jobs. Exxon Mobil pays an effective tax rate of 13%. And made $44.1 billion in profits. If you think that lowering taxes still further will create new jobs, WC has a terrific bargain for you on the Cushman Street Bridge in downtown Fairbanks.

The Mitt thinks lowering taxes still more will fix the economy. Captain Zero thinks lowering taxes will put more oil in the trans-Alaska pipeline. The reality is that lowering taxes will only increase shareholder dividends.

But that’s the key, you see? Both of them were born to power and privilege. Pat Parnell’s kid never had it rough. Both think that shareholder dividends are the economy. They think hardscrabble is a quarterly decline in earnings. They think unemployment means two weeks in Hawaii instead of four. They think every kid has a selection of silver spoons.

Barry Switzer was right. They think because they were born on third base, they must have hit a triple.

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