WC’s 95 Theses on Joe Miller

Tomorrow is the 493rd anniversary of Martin Luther‘s posting his 95 Theses on the door of Castle Church, Wittenberg, Germany. To celebrate, WC offers his own 95 Theses, 95 reasons not to vote for Joe Miller. Trust WC, readers; it was difficult to narrow the field to just 95 reasons.

Have you taken your anti-nausea medicine? Rubber gloves and boots on? Good, let’s get started.

  1. He engaged in unprincipled, unscrupulous behavior in an attempt to defeat a fellow Republican, Randy Ruedrich.
  2. He lied to his employer about whether he had misused his Borough computer.
  3. He lied to his employer about whether he had misused his colleagues’ computers.
  4. He tried to stuff an electronic ballot box.
  5. He tried to cover his crimes by deleting the cache files on his colleagues’ computers.
  6. He blamed the victims for his crimes, the conduct of a scoundrel.
  7. He appears to have committed a Class C Felony, Criminal Use of a Computer, AS 11.46.740.
  8. He has attempted to minimize his criminal activities by claiming he performed the crime on his lunch hour.
  9. He deliberately and falsely claimed he could not disclose his Borough personnel file because of the attorney-client privilege.
  10. He quit the Borough in an unprofessional way that injured his client, the Borough.
  11. He deleted his emails when he quit, injuring his client.
  12. He allowed Randy Ruedrich and Ralph Seekins, among others, to claim he had done nothing wrong, when he knew he had.
  13. He misled the voters about the seriousness of his misconduct at the Borough.
  14. He allowed Randy Ruedrich and others to defame Jim Whitaker, when he knew Whitaker had spoken nothing but the truth.
  15. He attempted to intimidate Jim Whitaker by filing a meritless lawsuit against him.
  16. He attempted to conceal his misconduct at the Borough from the voters.
  17. He attempted to stonewall the voters as to his conduct at the Borough, rather than coming forward with the truth.
  18. He complains incessantly about invasions of his privacy while hiding critical information from the voters.
  19. He has denied and continues to deny voters access to critical information about his past.
  20. He was arrogant enough to believe he could get away with hiding his misconduct.
  21. He was arrogant enough to say, or permit an undisclosed staffer to say, he was measuring the drapes for his Senate office.
  22. He is arrogant enough to really believe he has “Mastered the law,” and posted the statement on his website.
  23. He describes his career at the Borough, where he was disciplined for very serious misconduct, as “second to none.”
  24. He believes himself to be smarter than Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush and Ross Perot.
  25. He is so arrogant he thinks the beard is attractive.
  26. He has failed to timely file reports with election officials.
  27. He has filed incomplete reports with election officials.
  28. He believes a Constitution written in 1789 can be applied, unchanged, in 2010.
  29. He believes social security is unconstitutional
  30. He falsely claims that the social security system is bankrupt.
  31. He falsely implies that privatization is the only solution to the funding challenges facing social security.
  32. He falsely claims that Congress has “raided” the social security trust fund.
  33. He believes medicaid is unconstitutional.
  34. He has accepted the very Medicaid he claims is unconstitutional.
  35. He believes farm subsidies are unconstitutional.
  36. He has accepted the very farm subsidies he claims are unconstitutional.
  37. Time for a break. Take some deep breaths. You’re more than a third of the way. Ready? Then let’s resume.

  38. He believes unemployment insurance is unconstitutional.
  39. He falsely claimed that unemployment insurance is an entitlement program.
  40. His spouse has claimed the very unemployment insurance he claims are unconstitutional.
  41. He accepted a free undergraduate education from the U.S. Army, but quit the Army at the very earliest opportunity.
  42. He called, or permitted an undisclosed staffer, to call his opponent a prostitute.
  43. He permitted his security goons to assault and handcuff a newspaper editor who was asking him hard questions.
  44. He has apparently committed or assisted others in committing the crime of Interference With Constitutional Rights, AS 11.76.110, a Class A misdemeanor.
  45. He forced or permitted an undisclosed staffer to force Anchorage Daily News reporter Julia O’Malley to leave a meeting advertised as open to the public.
  46. He has a demonstrated record of profound disregard for the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
  47. He accepts the support of Sarah Palin.
  48. He accepted money from a PAC, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, monies that are tainted by contributions from foreign corporations.
  49. He has hypocritically complained that one of his opponents accepted money from a PAC.
  50. He has suggested a Berlin Wall on the U.S.-Mexico border as a solution to illegal immigration.
  51. He thinks the Federal minimum wage is unconstitutional.
  52. He claims federal farm subsidies are unconstitutional, yet has personally accepted federal farm subsidies.
  53. He has claimed he was a judge, when he was never more than a magistrate.
  54. He is a global warming denier.
  55. He has lied about the evidence for anthropogenic global warming.
  56. He has ignored incontrovertible evidence in his claimed home state of Alaska that there is global warming.
  57. He falsely claims two-third of Alaska is owned by the Federal government.
  58. He falsely claims that Federal government has broken promises to Alaska.
  59. He has intentionally disregarded the Republican Party’s Statement of Principles by refusing to disclose important information.
  60. He has been called out for his conduct by moderate Republicans in an open letter dated October 20, 2010.
  61. He has engaged in unseemly, inappropriate boasting about his military honors.
  62. He has engaged in unethical behavior in violation of the Alaska Bar Association’s Code of Professional Responsibility (“the CPR”) by lying about his activities to a client.
  63. He has violated the CPR by using computers in violation of the law.
  64. He has violated the CPR by withdrawing as counsel without taking adequate steps to protect his client.
  65. He has published campaign advertising that deliberately and materially misstates his opponents’ positions.
  66. He has permitted others to publish campaign advertising that deliberately and materially misstates his opponents’ positions.
  67. In his 2004 campaign against David Guttenberg, he supported government spending for education; now he opposes it.
  68. In his 2004 campaign, he supported government health care; now he opposes it.
  69. In his 2004 campaign, he was in favor of government spending; now he opposes it.
  70. He has called for an end to federal spending in Alaska, even though it constitutes 40% of the Fairbanks economy.
  71. He doesn’t even pay his Borough property taxes on time.
  72. He cannot responsibly manage his own financial affairs; he has more than $100,000 in credit card debt.
  73. Nearly done. WC recommends aspirin and a cold compress for the headache.

  74. He is knowingly helping “camouflage a billionaires’ coup as a populist surge.”
  75. He is a Tenth Amendment absolutist, but only so long as it serves his interests.
  76. He has demanded national treasures like Denali National Park be surrendered to the State of Alaska, in violation of the Alaska Constitution.
  77. He accepts, without criticism or apology, the parade of weapons-brandishing beer-bellies carrying his signs in a children’s parade.
  78. While he waxes hysterical about the federal deficit, he hasn’t offered one specific proposal to substantively reduce it.
  79. He has lied about the causes of the federal deficit.
  80. By acting as a stooge for the Koch brothers, biggest supporters of the Tea Party, he is once against betraying Alaska to billionaires.
  81. He rails against government spending, yet almost all of his life he has worked for and accepted government paychecks.
  82. He opposes a woman’s right to choose.
  83. He opposes abortion in the case of rape or incest.
  84. He has single-handedly contributed to the overpopulation of the planet, when over-population is one of the great crises of our time.
  85. He is, in the words of Paul Krugman, “the epitome of short-term, narrow-minded selfishness.”
  86. He opposes meaningful health care reform.
  87. He has ignored the fundamental economics of recessions, and risks prolonging and worsening the economic downturn.
  88. Despite the catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico, he opposes a moratorium on off-shore drilling.
  89. He has grossly exaggerated his legal experience.
  90. He believes creationism should be taught in schools.
  91. He has held at least six different jobs in 15 years, raising serious questions about his commitment.
  92. His claimed beliefs and principles are belied by his actual conduct.
  93. He is an unscrupulous opportunist.
  94. He is too ignorant of Alaska’s economics and history to be a U.S. Senator.
  95. He is too arrogant to be a U.S. Senator.
  96. He is too dishonest to be a U.S. Senator.
  97. He is utterly unworthy of your vote.

The opinions in this post are solely those of WC. This post has not been approved by any candidate. No expenses were incurred in creating this post. No electrons were harmed in creating this post.


11 thoughts on “WC’s 95 Theses on Joe Miller

  1. Once again, you scored a home run.

    Because History was one of my undergrad majors, I thank you for reminding people about significant milestones from the past>

    Unfortunately, some people (such as Miller and other Tea Party folks) cannot remember even recent history. If they did, they would not want to embrace failed Bush-Cheney (and dare I say it – Reagan) policies.

    Going through the list, I see many of those policies being repeated by Joe Miller. Gosh, if he only understood how they echo the past, he would not be so quick to repeat those mistakes – oops, sorry, I just made the mistake of assuming he could think instead of just scheme.

  2. Not to be nit picking and I fully acknowledge how difficult it is to edit one’s own writing .. but you may want to change 80. “He opposes a woman’s write to choose.”

    write s/b right

  3. You are correct. I can see where it was difficult to limit your list to 95 Reasons to not vote for Joe Miller.

    {sardonic outlook=ON}
    BTW – with regards to 25. “He (sic) so arrogant he thinks the beard is attractive.”

    Unfortunately, I’m not convinced this is arrogance so much as the depths of utter tastelessness.

    I, on the other hand, am a very handsome devil when sporting my beard.
    {sardonic outlook=OFF}


  4. It really is a great list. I truly enjoyed it.

    I’m almost sorry it’s subtlety will be lost on the Joe Millers, Sarah Palins, etc of the world.

    I thought your going back to Marin Luther and the Reformation was brilliant. It’s a real pity that those whom would most benefit from the reference(s) are the same individuals most likely to not understand. Critical thinking simply isn’t their forte.

  5. # 7 He appears to have committed a Class C Felony, Criminal Use of a Computer, AS 11.46.740.

    Please explain why you aren’t offering legal advice when you make this accusation. The charge has increased weight when it comes from a lawyer.

    • Legal advice requires a client; alas, no one is paying WC for his opinions. Rather, it is an accusation. Coming from someone other than a D.A., that and $3.50 will buy you a designer coffee at River City Deli.

  6. Good list!! Unfortunately, those who need to read it aren’t likely to.
    In the event you would like to push the list to 100, here’s one more:
    As reported by Craig Medred of Alaska Dispatch (Oct. 26th), when Miller was finalizing the purchase of his Willow area property, Arnie Hrncir, the former owner of the property, is quoted as saying that, up to the point the he and Miller met in Anchorage to close the sale, he had always found the Anchorage lawyer [Miller] a friendly guy. That changed the second that the legal documents were signed. Hrncir said that he told Miller that he had to go back to the property to remove the rest of his family’s property out of the cabin. Miller told Hrncir that he was to stay off the property. Hrncir was out about $1500. “He schemed me out of that,” Hrncir is reported to have said. “He pulled out a paper and said it said (sold) ‘where is, as is.’ Legally he was right, (but) he went from a friend to a legal counsel in a minute.”

    If true, that is another example of Miller’s questionable “honor.”

  7. An impressive list, WC, exhausting if not exhaustive, but instead of Luther, you’d be best advised to emulate Moses, who limited his major presentation to ten main points, two tablets that didn’t cause a headache.

    Regarding Joe Miller’s beard, I think I have solved the mystery that has gripped us all — why doesn’t he either grow a beard or shave his stubble? My guess is that Joe Miller doesn’t like beards, but having been called a barefaced liar, he resolved never to be subjected to that insult again.

  8. Thank you for making sure none of the rest of us blogger-types need to write one more word on Miller — we just need this link!

  9. After reading the latest article in the AD: http://alaskadispatch.com/dispatches/politics/7342-millers-paranoia-at-fairbanks-borough-ran-deeper-than-records-reveal, “Miller’s Paranoia”, I suspect your “95 Reasons” thesis can be distilled down to a single, overriding declaratory statement:

    1) Joe Miller is nuts!


    I am not a Lawyer.
    I am not a Psychiatrist.
    I am not a Pink Flamingo.
    I am not John Malkovich.
    I don’t even play a Lawyer/Psychiatrist/Pink Flamingo/John Malkovich on TV.
    Your Mileage May Vary.

Comments are closed.