As a special Hallowe’en Treat, WC brings you a true chamber of horrors, a haunted house and a bestiary of monsters, all rolled into one package: it’s the Gallery of Really Scary Alaska Politicians. WARNING: This blog post may be too scary for children or sensitive adults.
|He comes back from the political dead to haunt Alaska politics, a shambling, reactionary, vaguely-bearded monster, it’s Joe Miller. He’s never won a general election, but that never stops him from trying.|
|She believes every witch and warlock should be able to brew a big vat of toxic nastieness, no matter how much it hurts or endangers the neighbors because, private property!. It’s Tammie Wilson. In Tammie World, unhealthy air is the norm, and if you have an asthma attack, well, it’s just the cost of freedom.|
|He lives no where and everywhere, believes in whatever may be expedient and opportunistic, and may be a zombie slave to his Koch Brother masters, it’s Dan “The Carpetbagger” Sullivan, returned from some grave in Maryland, Cleveland or Washington D.C.|
|A zombie slave to Big Oil, he has redefined hypocrisy for six years now, Governor Sean “Captain Zero” Parnell. The political spawn of the Quitter, he has disavowed each and all of her programs.|
|Impossible to kill, corrupt even in the judgment of his fellow politicians, bile and hate spill from his mouth like venom, with the manners of a badly spiled 6-year old. It’s Don “Dipshit” Young. Like moldy bologna, he’s well past his “Sell By” date.|
|The mistress of inarticulate, ignorant narcissism, the darling of Teabaggers everywhere, Ebola expert, former Alaskan and former Governor Sarah “The Quitter” Palin. Her screeching cries of “Do you know who I am?” continue to embarrass Alaskans.|
WC doesn’t want to give his readers nightmares this Hallowe’en night, so we’ll stop there. But remember WC has left out the very scariest characters of all: the Alaskans who voted for these spooky critters.