Guy from Ohio Maryland Kochtopus Elected Alaska U.S. Senator

It’s official. Senator Mark Begich (D, Alaska) has conceded. John Lindauer Dan “the Carpetbagger” Sullivan (R, Ohio Maryland Kochtopus) has been elected the junior senator from Alaska. Once he is sworn in, WC will treat him with the respect the office deserves, but for now he is still the Carpetbagger.

WC isn’t very happy about it. Could you tell? Just click on the “Dan Sullivan” Category over on the right margin if you need a refresher.

But for the next six years, short of recall or something, we’re stuck with a climate change-denying, Kochtopus-backed arriviste whose claim to being an Alaskan is his wife and claim to elective office is an extremely wealthy family.

WC is certain that the Carpetbagger’s family will have a passably effective U.S. Senator at their beck and call. The Koch Brothers purchased his small, mean soul in the primary. He will be at their beck and call.

Alaska? No so much.

Worse things have happened to Alaska. Mike Gravel. Frank Murkowski. The 1964 Earthquake. The Exxon Valdez. Alaska will survive six years of the Carpetbagger, WC supposes. The dirt and rocks, anyway. At least the parts of the dirt and rocks above the new, climate-adjusted sea level. The parts that don’t melt or erode away. That aren’t damaged by crude oil spills.

Alaskans? No so much. Polar bears? Coastal villages? Even less.

WC can’t vouch for the authenticity of this document. You’ll have to decide if it is credible.

Purported deed anonymously sent to WC

Purported deed anonymously sent to WC


2 thoughts on “Guy from Ohio Maryland Kochtopus Elected Alaska U.S. Senator

  1. Wait! Hold the WordPress… This drama needs its denouement, (regardless if it remains a tragedy). So what about the part where Balto The Bounty Hunter– and Commissioner of Revenue–enters stage left wielding AS 43.23.035?

    • Alice Cooper refers to the penalty provisions for falsely claiming a right to a permanent fund dividend. Alas, the chance that a Commissioner or Revenue in the Parnell administration would bring an enforcement action against a U.S. Senator Elect are effectively zero.


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