Our Ambassador to Canada: Tooth Fairy Logic


.S. Ambassador Kelly Craft smiles during a ceremony at Rideau Hall today. (Adrian Wyld/Canadian Press)

U.S. Ambassador Kelly Craft smiles during a ceremony at Rideau Hall today. (Adrian Wyld/Canadian Press)

Our new U.S. ambassador to Canada is Kelly Knight Croft, whose primary qualification for the office is that she and her husband, coal baron Joe Craft, gave a reported $2 million to the Tump presidential campaign. That was after their first pick, Marco Rubio, washed out.

Ambassador Croft embarrassed herself by announcing on the Canadian Broadcasting Company that she appreciated all of the scientific evidence on climate change. “I think that both sides have their own results, from their studies, and I appreciate and I respect both sides of the science,” Craft said.

WC admits that it’s possible Ambassador Croft’s husband’s line of work has influenced her “appreciation.” Joe Croft is the president and chief executive officer of Alliance Resource Partners, L.P., the third-largest coal producer in the eastern United States. Coal has made Joe Croft a billionaire, and allowed him to buy his spouse an ambassadorship. Such a thoughtful gift.

But let’s think through Ambassador’s claim to “appreciate and respect both sides of the [climate] science.

When WC was a child, and would lose a tooth, he’d discover a quarter under his pillow the next morning. WC’s parents told him the coin came from the tooth fairy.1 All the rest of the evidence indicated the coin came from WC’s parents. In fact, there was no evidence at all to support the Tooth Fairy Hypothesis, other than the appearance of the quarter. But if you had to accept the Tooth Fairy Hypothesis to get quarters, then WC was prepared to accept the Tooth Fairy Hypothesis. Call if Tooth Fairy Logic.

Coal has allowed Ambassador Croft to buy herself an ambassadorship. In a country where she doesn’t even have to learn a new language. Of course she can “appreciate” climate science denial. Coal has made her a rich woman, at least to the limits of any prenuptial agreement.2 Of course she believes in coal; coal made her rich. Admitting coal is contributing to an existential crisis for humankind would mean her ambassadorship was purchased with filthy money. Tooth Fairy Logic.

America has survived grossly incompetent ambassadors before. America has survived idiots in high places. WC is not sure if America can survive a grossly incompetent idiot. Or an idiot who believes in the Tooth Fairy in the face of an existential crisis.

 


  1. So far as WC knows, Terry Pratchett is the only person who ever wondered what the Tooth Fairy did with a ll those children’s teeth. See his novel Hogfather for details. 
  2. Ambassador Croft’s 2016 marriage to Joe Croft was her third. It’s his second. Smart money says there’s a pre-nup, but that’s only speculation. 
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